I started working at a new Pack and Ship Store. Despite having an awesome website, people still aren't sending me money. I know, it shocks me too.
Anyway, this Pack and Ship Store, as you may have guessed, has new co-workers and a new boss.
New Boss - One of my pet peeves is music. I want unoffensive music on all the time. The music isn't for you guys, [the employees] it's for the customers.
The most obvious thing wrong with this statement is the use of the term "pet peeve". Under no circumstances should one use this term.
The unoffensive music my new boss wants on happens to be XM radio, channel 25: The Blend.
If you've never been exposed to XM radio, take my word for it, it blows. A few of my friends have it in their cars and I have had the displeasure of hearing it on our various excursions. Most channels have a rotation of about 6 artists and just play them over and over. I don't get the attraction. If you like Steely Dan so much go buy a fucking CD.
On the stations that play a little more variety there still isn't anything good. Indeed, you don't have to listen to the same artist for nine hours, but you still have nine hours of shitty music. I was recently in a XM equipped car for a fourty five minute drive and did not hear one song I'd ever want to hear again. It's unreal, at one point I actually tried to jump out the car but couldn't reach the door handle from the back seat.
XM's main selling feature is that they play commercial free music. The ironic thing is after 10 minutes of their horrendous music, your begging to hear a commercial.
I knew XM radio wasn't for me, but it wasn't until I heard XM 25: The Blend that I realized the disdain I had for the company.
XM 25: The Blend is like the soundtrack to Hell. They play some of the worst songs ever written. It can actually make you envy the earless. If you're looking to torture a group of young men, lock them in a room with XM 25: The Blend playing. It won't be long before they are pouring cement into their ears.
The other day while taking care of a customer, John Cougar/John Mellencamp/John Cougar Mellencamp/J-Douchebag (I never can kept track of what celebrities are calling themselves these days) came on. It was that "R-O-C-K in the USA" song. I looked into it a little further, and apparently the asshole named that song "Rooty toot toot." If that doesn't make you want to vomit all over yourself, you can stomach bleach.
Anyway, I had heard the song before, but I never realized how truly terrible it was. It was around the nineteenth time J-Douchebag screamed "R-O-C-K in the USA" that I laughed out loud in my customers face. I actually had to have a co-worker take care of her. I just couldn't get over it. The song is just so stupid.
It's amazing what you can sell these days. All you have to do is add in a reference to America or talk about a shiny satellite and you're golden.
There's nothing like idiotic patriotism.
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