Do Everything You Can To Avoid Time Warner Cable

If I was the Catholic Church, right now I'd be busy writing up pamphlets about how Time Warner Cable is the anti-christ.

I'm not, however, so let me just say this:

Time Warner Cable fucking blows.

I recently moved into an apartment and because of a lack of options, I went with Time Warner for my cable service. I didn't want to do it. I had to do it. There was not one other service provided in my area. I thought there were monopoly laws, but I guess not. I couldn't have even went with that Dish Network nonsense, I wouldn't have been able to put a dish on the roof.

So I call up Time Warner to try to get some information and schedule an appointment. The first guy I spoke with was, unsurprisingly, an idiot. He didn't know anything. Every question I asked I had to wait for this asshole to go find the information.

How fast is the internet?

"Pretty quick."

Thanks dickhead, that helps a lot. I wasn't looking for the actual speed, I just wanted your shitty opinion. You know what, I'll take it. If you think it's "pretty quick" that's good enough for me.

I got sick of it and hung up.

I called back a few days later because they were having a sale. I got some channels for free and a little off the monthly bill. Okay, maybe this won't be so bad. I told the woman I'd take it and scheduled an appointment.

A week later, some degenerate comes to set it up. The only thing good I can say for him is that he did arrive in three hour time increment that was scheduled. He couldn't however, set up the equipment. The "pretty quick" internet services would not come on. You'd think it would be pretty simple, all you have to do is plug the fucking modem into the wall. Well, not when you have equipment built by blind chimps. The guys goes out to the truck and gets a new modem and it seems to be working. He leaves. I spray the apartment with disinfectant.

That night, I try the On Demand service that I was supposed to get. Of course, it's not working. I call customer service. I wait on hold for forty minutes and finally talk to some woman. The woman looks up my account and sends some kind of data to my cable box. It does nothing except make some dots light up on the box. On Demand still doesn't work. Fucking awesome. She tells me I have to go to the Time Warner Office and exchange the box.

The next day I wait in a line behind seven people. Apparently I'm not the only one with problems. Shocking. I get a new box and go home. On Demand works. I calm down and watch a film.

The next day, the internet goes out. I scream and throw the modem on the floor. I call the sons of bitches at customer service again and they tell me to back to the office.

A day later, I'm back at the Time Warner Office. There are no less than fifteen people this time. Perfect. There's nothing more I want right now than to stand in line for twenty minutes. I got a new modem and it's currently working. For how long, I don't know. But I do know this:

The next time I go back to that office, I'm going to bring a flamethrower.

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