Someone Stop those HeadOn Bastards

For those of you that don't know, HeadOn is an ointment which comes in an oversized chapstick container that you roll onto your head to ease headaches. There is also ActivOn and FirstOn made from the same company.

First of all, this shit doesn't work. If you don't believe me, try it next time you get a headache. You might as well be putting silly putty on your forehead. And if you actually do put this on yourself, don't do it in public unless you want to look like the biggest dick lick on the planet.

If you tried it and you think it worked, your weak mind was swindled by the placebo effect. I bet you're the type that could get drunk off non-alcoholic magarita mix as long as no one told you what you were really drinking.

Second, the commercials these people have are on all the time and could not be more annoying (For you lucky bastards that have never seen one, they just repeat "HeadOn: Apply directly to the forehead" three times). Then, once the company realized they had commercials that sucked ass, they did the only thing that could have made them worse, The Anti-commercial (instead of their triplet of idiocy, they had someone interrupt it and say how they hated the commercials but loved the product). Real clever, assholes.

After HeadOn came ActivOn (Commercials run: "Apply directly where it hurts" x3). I guess no one realized, but this is the same fucking thing as the first product. Apparently you can double your sales if morons think you need one specifically for your head and another for the rest of your body.

Recently released was FirstOn, for itches (You guessed it, "Apply directly where it itches" three fucking times). This was the last straw for me, someone needs to stop these sons of bitches. All the commercials are endangering my television. I don't know how many more I can watch before throwing my remote at my set and then setting it on fire. And if we don't stop them now, who knows what they'll come out with next. It won't be long before you're watching T.V. and during the commercial break you'll hear:

HardOn: Apply directly to your dick. HardOn: Apply directly to your dick. HardOn: Apply directly to your dick.

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